Üsküdar University NPİSTANBUL Hospital Specialist Clinical Psychologist Eda Ergür made evaluations about the conflicts between siblings and what families can do in this regard. Ergür, “The care taken by the siblings and the parental approach can be quite different from each other. For example, the first child never experiences being the 'youngest' or 'middle' child. Likewise, the youngest or middle child cannot experience being the 'first' or 'oldest' child. In addition, each child's innate temperament characteristics also differ.” he said.
Pointing out that factors such as the child's being small or older and temperament, as well as the personal development of the parents, their relationship dynamics and their economic position, may differ periodically, Ergür noted that such factors can differentiate the attitude that children are exposed to.
Emphasizing that the age difference, gender and temperament of siblings should be taken into consideration when dealing with sibling relationships, Ergür said, “We often see that siblings with a small age gap experience much more intense jealousy and conflict. Because the feeling of competition becomes more intense. The gender of siblings also affects the quality of their relationship. Siblings of the opposite sex can provide each other with valuable experience for a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. For siblings of the same sex, the older one can present a good identification model to the younger sibling. Of course, this identification may not always be positive, and siblings can also model each other's misbehavior and problem behaviors can be reinforced as a result of bad example.” made the statement.
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Eda Ergür, who stated that the sibling relationship is defined as the period in which the foundation of the child's social relationship dynamics is laid, said, “Before the child starts to establish friendship relations, he/she has a close relationship with his/her sibling. For this reason, the quality of the fraternal relationship becomes a model for the relationships to be established in the future.” said.
Emphasizing that parents' approaches are as important as children's temperament and attitudes in the healthy progress of sibling relationships, Ergür continued his words as follows:
“For the first child, it is a challenging event for a sibling to come into their life. Until that day, he has to share the care, love and compassion he had only had with the new member of the family. For this reason, during this period, parents should accept that the child experiences feelings such as anxiety and jealousy and support their healthy management. Thus, they make a healthy investment in future sibling relationships.”
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Eda Ergür, who noted that siblings can become very good friends if they are supported by appropriate parental attitudes: “Families should avoid taking sides in discussions. They should not expect the first child to take on a responsibility by saying 'you are big'. If a sibling's own wishes are not put in the background, it will have a very positive effect on the relationship between siblings. Parents should avoid comparing siblings. It is important that it does not reinforce the possible rivalry between siblings, and that it sees the individual strengths of children and evaluates each child separately.” He warned their families.
Stating that it should not be forgotten that conflicts are not always negative, Ergür said that children are prepared for life in safe home environments. Noting that the conflicts between siblings should also be interpreted as preparation for life, Ergür concluded his words as follows:
“Children find the opportunity to strengthen their social skills by solving their problems at the end of their conflicts. Thus, they become ready to deal with the problems they encounter in their lives outside of the family. For this reason, parents should avoid being a party or intervening in conflicts between siblings. It would be appropriate for them to have an attitude that motivates them to solve their problems among themselves.”