Üsküdar University NPİSTANBUL Hospital Specialist Clinical Psychologist Elvin Akı Konuk talked about the reasons why children who always want more behave this way and gave advice to parents.
Cravings may stem from emotional hunger
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Elvin Akı Konuk, stating that everyone has certain needs, said, “In order to meet these needs, requests and expectations are met normally by our environment if they are at a certain level. But children sometimes demand more than they need. The most important reason underlying this is their desire to appease their emotional hunger. These attitudes can be considered quite normal in the pre-3,5-year-old period, and they may be egocentric in this period. "After this age, if a child still wants more than he needs and can't get enough of what he has, there may be a state of emotional hunger underlying these desires."
Children need validation
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Elvin Aki Konuk, who states that children have a need for approval, an effort to satisfy their soul, and a desire to be liked, said, “These emotional needs can arise from many reasons. For example, the fact that parents spend little time with the child and work until late may be the underlying reason for the child's wanting behavior. Children throwing themselves on the floor and crying in front of toy shops, children who have a closet toy but still want other toys are a painting we all witness. We need to see this situation as a danger sign, because with the transition to puberty, the severity of this sign begins to grow. These children are starting to show their values with the brand clothes they wear and what they own.”
Children who can't learn no have problems
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Elvin Akı Konuk said that children begin to evaluate and judge the people around them not by who they are, but by what they have.
“This situation causes unhappiness, dissatisfaction, inability to feel self-sufficient and self-centered children who always want, get what they want in return and for whom no limits can be set. When they become adults, they feel inadequacy, they have a reaction to any outside limit, any rule setting, they have a sensitivity to criticism. Unfortunately, children who cannot learn "No" may experience various problems both in academic life and in business life. Likewise, they have difficulty in complying with the rules of social life. Children who are constantly oriented towards their own needs can also ignore the needs of others. This can also directly affect the child's relationship with his partner in adulthood.”
They can't be satisfied with less
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Elvin Akı Konuk pointed out that it is often seen that parents do not go against their children's wishes, albeit reflexively. One of them is the thought of 'my child will not be missing anything'. With this in mind, we think that we make children happy by buying something, but in fact, they do not lack something emotionally. On the contrary, we create wounds in some places. The second reason is that parents want their children to have what they could not have in their own childhood. It is the thought of 'it was not taken by me, it should be taken to him, it was not mine, it should be his'. This is basically a well-intentioned approach, but what is actually done is that parents as adults try to meet their own needs through their children. For this reason, children begin to want more, and they cannot be content with less. They become unable to solve their problems on their own," he said.
Ignoring their requests does not provide a solution
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Elvin Akı Konuk emphasized that the size of the needs will increase both materially and spiritually as the age progresses, and continued his words as follows:
“As parents, we should act by thinking ahead and be able to teach children the word no. From a very young age, we have to explain why we say no to what we say no to. It's not enough to say 'no, I can't get this' to not get what he wants, in this way we seem to have rejected and ignored his opinion. Also, bypassing does not provide a solution. It is necessary to listen to the child and ask why he needs what he wants. It is important to give the child a certain amount of time rather than getting what they want right away. At the end of this period, the child's enthusiasm and desire may be broken. In this situation, we need to be consistent and have a common attitude as parents. If we say 'no' first and then 'yes', no answer will not work.”
Reward and punishment method does not give successful results
Underlining that the method of reward and punishment is not a very successful method, Specialist Clinical Psychologist Elvin Akı Konuk said, “Here, the reward is conditional. If the child is successful in a subject, he gets a reward, if he does not get a reward, he gets a punishment. For example, the child should be given an award under the name of a gift, not because he got high grades on his report card, but because he got a report card. Because the gift is something that comes from within, the reward is given on a conditional basis. In the academic life of a child who gets used to an award, his motivation will not be for success, but for reward.”
Evaluation of parent and child behavior at home
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Elvin Akı Konuk concluded his words as follows:
“Families often turn to specialists on emotional reactions. It is possible to say that reasons such as tantrums, crying spells, and bad rhetoric to others are common causes. How the child's self-perception, social relations, and family relations are examined. Immediately after, parental attitudes and their approaches are examined. 'The order of the house, the time spent with the child, the child's right to speak at home, which emotional needs does the child try to meet with objects?' criteria are evaluated. In the therapy process, what emotional needs lie under the child's behavior, these are looked at first. Thus, what the child really needs can be learned and it becomes possible to reduce the requesting behavior to a reasonable level.”