Üsküdar University NPİSTANBUL Hospital Exp. Clinical Ps. Özgenur Taşkın gave information about the characteristics of individuals with narcissistic personality disorder and their effects on relationships.
Narcissistic people have an unrealistic sense of self-importance
Starting his speech by stating that there are many definitions of narcissism but that it should be avoided to be labeled before defining it, Uzm. Clinical Ps. Özgenur Taşkın said, “Actually, what we call narcissism is a narcissistic personality structure. It is a personality organization. We can divide it into two, it has a disease dimension and there is a personality structure. But we can say that narcissistic people actually have a deified and unreal sense of self-importance.” said.
Narcissists are very difficult to identify
Underlining that it is very difficult to identify people with personality disorders such as narcissism, Uzm. Clinical Ps. Özgenur Taşkın said, “Even we, the clinicians, cannot say, 'You have narcissistic characteristics' when we meet someone in the clinic. Because there are no definite features that we will specify item by item. But when we look at the personality traits; If he constantly cares about himself, puts his own behavior above everyone else's, directs criticism to the other side, has too many manipulative behaviors, constantly shows himself intensely, exaggerates his achievements, constantly justifies himself, expects praise, sees others as incapable and himself talented, these are all traces of narcissism. ” he said.
“Many managers have minimal narcissism”
Stating that it is not possible to say that a person with one of these characteristics has a 'narcissistic personality disorder', Taşkın said, "We can say that there are narcissistic characteristics if the aforementioned features prevent the person's daily activities and work, and if he thinks that he can exist in an environment by constantly praising himself. However, this is not always the case. Minimal narcissism exists in many managers. Because what we call that minimal level of narcissism also allows the person to reflect their self-worth to the other side. That's why people with management skills are somewhat aware of their self-worth and know how to reflect well. It is very important to reflect the self-worth in a way that does not disturb the other party. It is very valuable to be in communication with the position of 'Yes, I am valuable, but you are also valuable'. said.
In relationships, the narcissistic individual can leave the other person in limbo.
Connecting the narcissism in the relationship being discussed too much in books and articles to the narcissist individual leaving the other person in limbo, Uzm. Clinical Ps. Özgenur Taşkın said, “You are close enough to hold the narcissistic individual, you are in a relationship, but his leaving is momentary. Since you can't keep it with you, you can't see it, you can't touch it, you can always have the desire to make it like you. As such, at the point where the narcissistic individual says, 'Long your hair out, it's better to wear a skirt', since the person has difficulty in holding the other party in terms of relationship and can't feel it, 'Okay, if I grow my hair out now, I can hold it' or 'If I wear a skirt, you like it'. The idea of 'I can go and keep it' develops and the narcissistic individual starts to want one when he wants two, when he wants two, when he wants two, he starts to want three or four.” warned.
Praising children too much promotes narcissism
Underlining that the fact that men are brought up with more praise culturally supports narcissism, Taşkın said, “In childhood, individuals are already self-centered. And when self-centeredness is constantly fed and glorified like "my son, you are big, you are big, you are like this", the child cannot learn the other side. He can't even develop his empathy skills. In fact, the ability to empathize is a skill that self-centered individuals do not have at all. As a matter of fact, there is no understanding of the other side, no effort to understand. That's why we see these differences between the sexes a lot in the clinic. It is a situation that starts from childhood.” used his statements.
Children should be educated in the form of 'you are valuable, but the world does not revolve around you'
Noting that narcissism stems from upbringing as well as from personality structure, Taşkın said, “When children are born, they are actually self-centered because they do not recognize other centers. There is less interaction with the mother, father or the environment. She cries when she is hungry, cries for a diaper change when she comes to the toilet… At that moment, she does not think if her parents have a job or if she can take care of her. The education given by the parents is very important here. Yes, it is necessary to teach the child to value himself/herself, but it is very important to teach and inform the concept of 'yes you are valuable, but the world does not revolve around you', not just saying 'you are valuable' while giving self-worth.” she said.
We must recognize narcissistic people and remove them from our lives.
Stating that those who are in a relationship with a narcissistic individual may lose their confidence after being self-confident, Uzm. Clinical Ps. Özgenur Taşkın concluded his words as follows:
“I wonder if I am paranoid, am I depressed, am I ugly as he says? I was someone who could not be looked after, but he loved me, do I need his love?' We get into such thoughts a lot and we encounter these situations a lot in the clinic. The point to be noted is that when we encounter such a person, instead of looking for the fault in ourselves, we should realize this feature of that person and maybe make him/her feel it somehow and remove him from our lives and walk away.”